Tales from the Dorkside Episode V: “I Know What I Did That Summer”

“I remember to this day, the bright red Georgia clay.” 

Never being outside of northwestern Pennsylvania, I couldn’t really picture what Lobo was singing about in their song. Heck, the only clay I’d ever seen was gray. But whatever, I enjoyed singing along just the same.

It wasn’t until I had just finished my junior year of high school that I actually found myself boot deep in South Carolinian red clay.        You see, I had signed up for the Army Reserves split option training program, so while all of my buddies were out at the lake, enjoying the summer, I signed up for 8 weeks of hell.


I’d always heard the phrase “hell on Earth” but I never associated it with any place I’d ever been before, and then I was there… In Columbia, South Carolina - Ft. Jackson to be exact. Only later did I determine that “hell on Earth” was a fitting nomenclature for a couple other places as well, such as: Benning, Bragg, and Eustis (Also known as “Even Uncle Sam Thinks It Sucks). Summer in NW PA can get hot, but it ain’t nothing like the wet hot humid woods in the south. And up until that point, I’d never even heard of a “chigger”.


I had seen basic training as shown in some Hollywood movies of that time, they were predominately based on Vietnam era training. I had a rough idea what to expect, some things had changed, and others had not. The “Brown Rounds” would still cuss and chew you out if you weren’t doing what you were supposed to do, but looking back now I can see the seeds of a PC culture were already sown. With Drill sergeants not being able to swear nearly as much as before, and a strict “hands off” approach.


I bonded with a lot of my fellow recruits from all across the States. Quite a few of them were around my age and mainly NG or AR split options. We shared our stories and experiences and got along well, for the most part. A few had to overcome their biases, but by the end of that summer, we were all the same color – Green.

We were in our last weeks of training when it was announced that we would go to the field and learn to build a bivouac. Drill Sgt. Smith was driving, which surprised me as I had heard that he had narcolepsy and would fell asleep spontaneously if he didn’t take his medication for it. So there we were, 10 of us loaded into the back of a deuce and a half, and Drill Sgt. Smith in the cab all by himself. About 10 minutes into the ride, the truck started to swerve. We all laughed because we were sure that the Drill Sgt. was screwing with us. But it happened a couple times, so one of the older RA recruits and squad leader decided to peek around the canvas. The panic in his eyes was enough to tell us, this was no joke. So he crawled around the side of the truck and pushed our slumbering Drill Sgt. Out of the driver’s seat to bring the truck to a stop. I’m not sure what happened, if he forgot to take his pill, or if the dosage was changed or what. We waited there with “sleeping beauty” until the next truck came along and the platoon leader assigned one of the older recruits to drive us to the training site.

When we got there we were split into groups of two and told to build a bivouac with a foxhole and guard it all night. So my buddie “Chief” and I looked around for the perfect spot. We found a nice patch of brush for cover and relatively soft sand to dig in. We spend the whole afternoon digging the whole and looking for things to help us camouflage our position. When the attack came, we were completed unprepared. It wasn’t opposing forces, it wasn’t the cadre, it was an army of fire ants!  Apparently our foxhole was dug a little too close to an anthill we overlooked when scouting our spot. Needless to say, neither one of us got much sleep that night.

When morning finally arrived, we were tired and hungry and just wanted to get the hell out of there. I had just finished patting down the last of the sand that filled our hell hole, when I noticed “Chief” walking around in a daze. I thought oh no, he had a reaction to the fire ants! I sat him down and tried to talk with him as he stared at the ground. When he finally found his voice, he asked me something which nearly brought me to tears…

“Have you seen my Kevlar?” (Helmet)


I hope you've enjoyed this episode of "Tales from the Dorkside".


Be sure to recommend, if you did.


Thank you