“I remember every little thing as if it happened only yesterday.” These are the opening lines from the song “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” from Meatloaf’s 1977 album “Bat out of Hell”.
It’s funny, life that is… how it sometimes imitates art. That a decade later I would find myself in that situation, as if the song were about me and the experience I was going through. Those of you who know the song and its lyrics know exactly where I was and what I was doing or trying to do. ;)
That’s right, I was parking with my girlfriend by the lake. Well where else were we to go? We couldn’t make out in my room. Are you kidding? I had 3 brothers, a little privacy please?? And in her room was completely out of the question. Her mother was the kind of Christian who would damn me straight to Hell if she had an inkling of what I wanted to do to her daughter. And her father, well, let’s just say he was an ex-Marine, a Korea War Vet, and that man had a rather impressive collection of rifles…
So, as I was saying, "It was a hot summer night" down by that lake and we were finally alone.
Things progressed as I'm sure you can imagine, I rounded first, slid into second and was really trying hard for third. And just when I thought I was going to make it... I thought we were "glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife." Turns out it was a headlight coming down the lane, and a four-wheeler went booking down past us. We looked at each other and started to giggle. Of course what we didn't know was the four wheeler was being pursued by a police car.
Realizing that his prey had eluded him, he took notice of the parked car with the hazy windows. Panic overcame me, not that I was afraid of the officer, not that I was afraid because "we were barely 17 and we were barely dressed". Oh no, I just saw death, and it's face was that of an old leatherneck and the business end of one of his fine hand guns.
Quickly, we scrambled to find something to cover ourselves. She draped my shirt across her lap, and I sat there bare-chested as I slowly rolled down the window to greet the flashlight in my face. It was blatantly obvious that the windows were steamed up and not smokey at that point, but the officer carried on. He wanted my girlfriend to show him she had nothing under the shirt on her lap. I think he was just checking how far I got ;). He ask us for ID and realized that we were both minors. He started talking about statutory rape and such but I was still scared stiff with visons of that jar head. It wasn't until he said something about if he should take us to our parents.
Now listen, I'm not the kind of guy that gets all weepy or over sensitive. I mean I always considered my self tough. But in this moment, in the face of imminent death, my eyes started to well up. And I ask, ah yeah, mm, no; I begged the cop to give me a break. I promised him I wouldn't do anything like this again, I promised him my first born, and to this day I still cannot tell you everything I promised this man not to condemn me to death. Finally he told us to get out of there, and that he didn't want to catch us there again.
How that night had started out with such promise, could end with such a promise, I'll never know.
"But it was long ago and it was far away
Oh God it seems so very far
And if life is just a highway - then the soul is just a car
And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are."
I hope you've enjoyed this episode of "Tales from the Dorkside".
Be sure to recommend, if you did.
Thank you
